It will. I don't know, I see myself as a positive person most of the time, but lately I feel like I have been a part of one super-long twilight zone episode. Around every corner is some weird twist in the plot. In ten minutes another character will go berserk. At this point the only thing I really want to say is, "Calgon, take me away".
I know that there isn't a full moon or anything. I can't explain how whacked out everything is right now. I truly dislike my job. Wait, that may not be accurate... I do not think that I am any good at my job. I wasn't asked if I wanted to change; I was moved. Honestly, I think that I stink at it. Badly. I love dealing with the people and that part I will always be okay, but I am the crappiest teacher on the planet. I feel that I am doing everyone a disservice by being in the classroom. I can't tell you how I do a math problem other than I do it and it works. I can't always explain how I did it. Some of this stuff comes easily to me. That does not mean that I can teach someone else how to do the same. Much respect to all teachers out there... I never imagined that you had it easy, but this is wild.
My parents... well no shock that I am no longer welcome in their home. Must have been that whole none-of-your-children-want-to-be-around-you-because-you're-both-control-freaks-and -I-don't-think-that-it's-just-your-children-that-need-to-change thing. I'm hearing a reminder in my head... honesty without love equals brutality? Oops. I'm sorry that it hurt them, but unfortunately it is true.
My husband... that has been weird. He completely freaked out on me when we were discussing our youngest child's birthday party. I suggested Build-a-bear and he asked me to find out how much it cost. I did and told him. Then he starts this male PMS thing and tells me that I only picked that party because it is all about me. WHAT??? Granted, I Chuck E Cheese, but I would suck it up if that was where we wanted to go. However, the only people coming to this party are my husband and children. We can build a stupid bear with all of the kids and go home and have pizza. It doesn't have to be some huge deal. We decided to do it this way since my parents will not be attending. What happened next was my husband started jumping my case over a lot of stupid things and then tells me that everything that is wrong in our marriage is my fault. A) Bite me, B) Bite me again, C) Put the pipe down, and D) just stop.
My kids... ah my beloved children. They have it so much better than they know, but in are stupid consumer driven world they think that they had it rough. I am seriously entertaining the idea of throwing out the TV. We could play more outside. My husband and i can actually keep up with the yard while they play in our little court. It could be very Norman Rockwell-ish. Right now it is some Orwellian nightmare... some are more equal than others.
So I'm just settling in to ride it all out. My husband already came and apologized and I understand. He has a ton of pressure on him lately. He knows, however, that I don't like being the recipient of that kind of crud. I give it six months to a year and it will happen again. I think by then I will be prepared for it again. I'm just hoping that it calms down sooner rather than later. This is getting old.
In the meantime, I still have a lot to be thankful for. I have two brothers that I love. I have a husband that encourages me to be my best... most of the time. I have four healthy and most of the time happy children. I have friends that would go to the wall for me and have. I think that I'll focus on this stuff instead. That should make riding out the rest easier.
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