Friends

I have a ton of great friends. I have friends that are around my own age and circumstance, but most are older or younger. I have friends that are guys and friends that are girls. And, again, I have a ton of them. Seriously, I have so many that I don't get to talk to them all any given month.

The problem here is the one that got away. I love having friends. I love nurturing the friendship and helping it grow. I love knowing people that are not like me. I love celebrating all of the differences. However, I had one friend that was so similar that it was frightening. He was almost a male me. (Shiver)

We really enjoyed each other's company. We could always find something to talk about. It was comfortable. It was fun. It was platonic. (Good thing, too. I'm married) Some weirdness went down that neither one of us caused and things have been awkward ever since. I'm wondering if I missed a memo. Nah.

I think that there were several levels of error. First, that whole platonic thing. I think that it will always be dangerous to be close friends with someone of the opposite sex (if that is how you swing) that you would be attracted to if you were single... or at least allow yourself to be attracted to. I know that there was something that both of us were avoiding for a little while there. That could have been error number one.

Error number two was the fact that both of us felt betrayed by a situation. I think at one point we were both burnt by the other not standing up for us. Truth is if I had stood up for him I would have lost my job. I don't think that lessens the amount of hurt when you explain that to a friend. Gee, my job was worth more than you because I have a family that I contribute to. A single person has harder time understanding this if they have never had to provide for someone else. If the shoe were on the other foot, I think that it would have hurt me, too.

Error number three was the boredom factor. Instead of being the good looking friend that encouraged him and built him up I became little Betty homemaker that was such a good little wife and soooo off limits. I was no longer fun. My marriage is important and I am not a fan of failure. No man is important enough to throw away my marriage... even when it does stink. And over the years, it will occasionally stink.

Error number four was the fact that I still wanted to be friends with him. Not letting it go was probably a big factor in this turning sour. I wanted to salvage something, but there really wasn't anything of value to save. On either side. The things that we had in common were fleeting and superficial. No. The whole thing was a lot of fun and served a purpose for me... and I'm not about to share that. I hope that he feels the same way. I still think that he is a great guy and I am hoping that he finds a great girl.

So I really am content with the friends that I have. I have quite a few that are just as adventurous as I am. I have new travel buddies. I have more friends that have moved so I have more states represented in my long distance pals. I am so social that my husband just shakes his head and wonders how I manage it all and everything else that I do. The answer is simple; people are important to me.