The truth of the matter

I am so frustrated. Discouraged in some endeavor or purpose. Yup,that fits.

I'm not the best pastor's wife on the planet. I am easily distracted. I have a temper... not so bad now, but still present. I housework. I like to cook, but we have so little in our pantry that I rarely can cook anything other than the simplest meals. I don't bake. I love to decorate my home, but, again, there is a lack of funds. I'm not complaining; I am truly happy with how things are. I am just very different from the stereotype.

I am blown away sometimes by the things that people are willing to complain about. Including myself. My relationship with my parents has always been less than ideal. However, my dad is in the hospital right now and the doctor's can't figure out where the infection is. That matters. My daughter went to Mexico this past summer to build a house and has not complained about anything brand name or what she doesn't have. That matters.

This may not be making any coherent sense. There are so many things going on in my life right now. They clutter up my vision. I have to wade through them just to figure out what is actually important. I like it when things seem clear cut and I don't have any questions. I have a lot of questions right now. Why would someone that does not believe as my church does choose to attend it and cause problems? Why would people depend solely on my husband for their spiritual nourishment? Aren't they old enough to feed themselves? As I am imperfect, so is my husband. We can't do all that people expect. I don't feel a sense of helplessness or futility, I just ignore this part of my life. However, it gets wearing over time. I will never be a paragon of virtue and mercy.

I'm going to include something that is making this all come together for me. It is a song.

"God with us" Mercy Me

"Who are we that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see that's worth looking our way
We are free in ways that we never should be
Sweet release from the grip of these chains

Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified
Emmanuel, God with us
My heart sings a brand new song
The debt is paid, these chains are gone
Emmanuel, God with us

Lord You know our hearts don't deserve Your glory
Still You show a love we cannot afford

Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary
Nevertheless we lay it at Your feet"

This is what's important: my faith, the love I have for the addicted and the homeless, my husband, children, and family, my church- just as they are, my friends across this country. That is what is important... not if I can keep a perfect house or bake great cookies and other tasty treats. I will use the heart that God gave me to love others regardless of what they believe or how they treat me. I love seeing people's eyes light up simply because they were afforded some dignity and value. I think that I will keep on doing what I do. The truth of the matter is that these things are the only things that matter... for me anyway.